Really. To have someone proclaim with such supposed confidence that I will fall for him is simply off-putting, especially when you know lim-ming this cuppa teh will bring you nothing but diarrhea. But what i did not anticipate was the embarrassment I felt, hence my face went red. Hence the teasing and now, I just feel that i never what to do the same shift as Mr. gentleman again. None of this has anything to do with him but his supposed silence.....aloof expression....just made me feel so far apart from him.
As time goes by, i believe in letting things be. Yet, I have not mastered my emotions. It's fine if we end up being strangers from now on. I just have to learn to stop caring. right? that is the tricky part. I'll get there eventually. I always do.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
So what is it now, for me?
Me. I find myself hard to define. Everyday, it seems I am a little different, yet still essentially the same. I think differently on the same subject everyday. Nice days, it has been. I love the smell of bread. It is so appealing, anytime of the day. But it is funny how I always prefer to munch on rice or noodles rather than bread. Bread to me seems like an indulging quickie - before you know it, it is gone, digested, history already forgotten.
Just like that gentleman at the bakery that I can't seem to stop thinking about. It is funny, I don't think I fancy him per se, yet, I wonder why my thoughts are filled with him. Is this how it feels to lose hope? Maybe loneliness has finally got to me. If so then I am disgusted with my easy defeat. How is it that I spent 1.5 years tuning my emotions and then have them thrown into disarray in minutes?
Still, the fact is, I have concluded, am not ready for love, and I don't think that gentleman is either. I smile when i think of him, but it is not one of adoration, but rather one of admiration - for in spite of his youth, his spirit is very wise and his heart is kind. Maybe that's why people are drawn to him.
Next week is good. The less time spent around him, the better, lest I lose my senses and disgrace myself.
The future is a mystery but what can I say, that's what I had wanted, didn't I? Let's hope the mystery is an enjoyable one. Life is just great:)
Just like that gentleman at the bakery that I can't seem to stop thinking about. It is funny, I don't think I fancy him per se, yet, I wonder why my thoughts are filled with him. Is this how it feels to lose hope? Maybe loneliness has finally got to me. If so then I am disgusted with my easy defeat. How is it that I spent 1.5 years tuning my emotions and then have them thrown into disarray in minutes?
Still, the fact is, I have concluded, am not ready for love, and I don't think that gentleman is either. I smile when i think of him, but it is not one of adoration, but rather one of admiration - for in spite of his youth, his spirit is very wise and his heart is kind. Maybe that's why people are drawn to him.
Next week is good. The less time spent around him, the better, lest I lose my senses and disgrace myself.
The future is a mystery but what can I say, that's what I had wanted, didn't I? Let's hope the mystery is an enjoyable one. Life is just great:)
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