What is that humiliation?

Really. To have someone proclaim with such supposed confidence that I will fall for him is simply off-putting, especially when you know lim-ming this cuppa teh will bring you nothing but diarrhea. But what i did not anticipate was the embarrassment I felt, hence my face went red. Hence the teasing and now, I just feel that i never what to do the same shift as Mr. gentleman again. None of this has anything to do with him but his supposed silence.....aloof expression....just made me feel so far apart from him.

As time goes by, i believe in letting things be. Yet, I have not mastered my emotions. It's fine if we end up being strangers from now on. I just have to learn to stop caring. right? that is the tricky part. I'll get there eventually. I always do.

So what is it now, for me?

Me. I find myself hard to define. Everyday, it seems I am a little different, yet still essentially the same. I think differently on the same subject everyday. Nice days, it has been. I love the smell of bread. It is so appealing, anytime of the day. But it is funny how I always prefer to munch on rice or noodles rather than bread. Bread to me seems like an indulging quickie - before you know it, it is gone, digested, history already forgotten.
Just like that gentleman at the bakery that I can't seem to stop thinking about. It is funny, I don't think I fancy him per se, yet, I wonder why my thoughts are filled with him. Is this how it feels to lose hope? Maybe loneliness has finally got to me. If so then I am disgusted with my easy defeat. How is it that I spent 1.5 years tuning my emotions and then have them thrown into disarray in minutes?
Still, the fact is, I have concluded, am not ready for love, and I don't think that gentleman is either. I smile when i think of him, but it is not one of adoration, but rather one of admiration - for in spite of his youth, his spirit is very wise and his heart is kind. Maybe that's why people are drawn to him.
Next week is good. The less time spent around him, the better, lest I lose my senses and disgrace myself.

The future is a mystery but what can I say, that's what I had wanted, didn't I? Let's hope the mystery is an enjoyable one. Life is just great:)

So much for maturing.

So I'm 25 this year and I thought that I learnt something when it came to relationships. But you know, funny is it seems, I think I learnt nothing. All it took was 15 minutes with you and now I can't stop thinking about you. Crap. This doesn't make sense at all considering that I know nothing about you. This has to stop, NOW, before I drive myself and others up the wall.

So am a free bird for now, career wise.

I wonder whether I have this thing for gentlemen. I mean literally - gentle-men. So it must be so, this odd attraction shall not last I hope as it is simple a waste of time right? If there is anything I have learnt -  it is that am highly unsuitable for relationships.

Letter thrown, yet...

Yet, the situation is getting more and more ridiculous.
1) I throw the letter. No, actually I placed it on her desk on Friday night. 290411
2)She sees it, reads it on Saturday morning. 300411
3) Dark clouds gather, after a while she calls me into her office for a private talk.
4) I give all sorts of reasons I want to leave, valid ones of course. But left out the main reason- I simply can't stand her.
5) She asks if it is my final decision and I say it is. She smiles and says she is ok
6) I take that ok. ACCEPTED RIGHT??????
7) A week later she tells me to make a trip to INC.
7)Night before the trip, she lefts me to think, reflect, and reconsider.
8)I return from trip. Tell her I still intend to leave on 29th. She asked if that is final. I said it is.
9) She hands my letter to HR. I was not present.
10) I know for a fact they received it. Gossipvale had a field day.

To be continued....... better go read up on mom laws.

To Throw the Letter or Not

I think, everyone reaches a point in their lives whereby you are suddenly unsure of what you want. Well, actually there are many points in life whereby you come to a crossroad and that is the time that a decision needs to be made, and kept to.
Nothing seems right. Things no longer seem agreeable. I get frustrated easily. I think, I come upon to the peak, the peak from which my tolerance starts to wane and I dream the dream of making a sudden yet heroic exit from this shithole of a company. Oh what a fantasy that would be, but the reality is, I will have to serve 2 months' notice, during which, am sure the Queen Bee will spare all efforts towards tormenting me.
So, am writing this, because I do not want to fall asleep. Sleep would bring tomorrow to my doorstep and right now, tomorrow seems less than appealing. I need to find a way to cheer up fast, before I sink deeper into self-pity, which is the least productive state of mind to be in.
So please someone, anyone, just cheer me up ok? Because this world, this working world, is putting me on a fast track to Woodbridge.

My dream for now is to be undisturbed in my knowledge-seeking expenditures. Libraries in Prague. Please wait for me.